


Tooking

by crueltyland



Series: Tooking [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Sillyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4494690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crueltyland/pseuds/crueltyland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just a silly short :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tooking

“Trolls! Of all the Valar forsaken-”  
“Master Baggins, if you could just calm down,” Balin tried.  
“Bloody disgusting-”  
“Mister Boggins! Shhh!” Kili hissed.  
“Filthy! Well, I suppose you lot had a privacy condition in that mile long contract of yours and it goes both ways.” 

The others eyes snapped straight to Bilbo who stood up in his sack and hopped over to the Trolls.  
“Uh, excuse me?”  
Tom frowned at him, “Whassat?”  
“Ah, yes,” Bilbo efficiently pulled the sack off and stepped out. “Yes, well, I'm hungry.”  
Bert frowned, “Uuuh, Will?”  
The older troll just scratched his hideous head. 

Bilbo groaned and shrugged, looking at Thorin, “You probably don’t want to see this.”  
The hobbit snapped his fingers at the Trolls, who looked at him, focused. “Now, my friends. You are good trolls aren’t you? Oh yes, what good big trolls you are! Thats right, just kneel down for the nice little hobbit.” 

Bilbo quickly kicked dirt over the fire and walked over to the opposite side of the clearing.

One by one, the trolls stepped forwards and kneeled down in front of Bilbo. “Oh now look! The sky is so dark! Aren’t the stars pretty?”  
They looked up and, quick as a flash, Bilbo lunged forwards.  
Seconds later the three trolls coughed and spluttered, their blood flowing from their torn throats, as they continued looking up, smiling, at the sky.

After a few moments, Bilbo brushed himself off, “Yes, well. Lets get you out of those sacks eh?” 

Thorin was the one to break the painful silence, “Master Baggins, what was that?”  
Bilbo awkwardly rubbed his arm, “Uh. Well, its a Took thing? Um, I’m hungry?”  
Bombur nodded seriously, “Aye, your dinner is back at our camp.”  
Bilbo shook his head, “No, its with all this travelling and not eating. Hobbits wandered for a long time. We are quite small, and we hunt well, I suppose.”  
Fili raised an eyebrow, “That is not hunting!”  
Bilbo shrugged, “Animals, people, orcs, troll. Meat is meat when you are starving.”  
Thorin was repulsed for a moment, looking at the dried blood on Bilbos chin and on the front of his shirt.  
“Thorin, you led people in exile. You surely understand? Hobbits wandered for almost nine hundred years.”  
The king stared at the smaller man for a moment, and nodded begrudgingly. “Lets get cleaned up and rested. And get you fed, Master Baggins.”  
The dwarrow shared horrified looks as Bilbo just chuckled, “Ah, no. Waste not want not. Three trolls! I should think I will be quite filled!” 

“Bilbo! Are you quite alright?” Gandalf called, stepping down over a hill. “You have blood all- Tooking? Well! I didn’t think you had it in you! How long have you been Tooking Bilbo?!”  
Bilbo shrugged, “Mama and I used to hunt in the forest. Never did get to catch an Elf.”  
The dwarrow startled at this, Ori piping up, “Catch? What else have you caught Master Bilbo?” 

Bilbo considered for a moment, “Uh, well there were the wolves, then wargs, and orcs. Very unpleasant business. And of course your usual animals – horses, dogs, cats, sheep, cows, chickens, deer, foxes, rabbits, oh! And Gramma showed me how to do birds last season!”  
The hobbit grinned merrily.

“So you are a hunter then Bilbo!”  
Gandalf chuckled at Kili's optimism, “Young dwarf, Hobbits must eat at least five times a day to survive. Seven for proper health or eight for gluttony would be more normal. Of course hobbits are hunters! Natural predator I would say! Bilbo, did you ever catch a dwarf?”  
The hobbit nodded, sadly, “Mhm, but I was but a faunt, and Mama wouldn’t let me keep him.”  
Thorin stood, outraged, “You would have eaten a dwarf?!”  
Bilbo looked affronted, “Good Grass no! Too hairy and hard to chew no doubt! He was just nice to play with is all.”


End file.
